Sons of Anarchy Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses
To an outsider, the SAMCRO biker gang may seem like nothing more than a pack of fiendish, violent criminals. This observation isn't entirely inaccurate, but the characters of Sons of Anarchy are so much more. Primarily they're a family, albeit one who settles their disagreements with knives and guns. Though SAMCRO has enough outside enemies to fill a phone book, most of their problems stem from internal dissonance. Unity is never fully achieved because every member is so different, which leads to warring views on the ultimate desire for the club's trajectory.
On the surface, Sons of Anarchy, in all its bloody, R-rated glory, couldn't be more different from Harry Potter, one of the world's most popular children's franchises. Really, the only similarity is that Hagrid bears a resemblance to Bobby Elvis—and even drives a flying motorcycle. However, Harry Potter also features "gangs" or cliques by way of the four Hogwarts houses. Like Sons, these houses are "like family", but still have their fair share of infighting.
What would happen if the Sons made the long ride to Hogwarts and crashed the Sorting Hat Ceremony? They're all outlaws, but that doesn't mean everyone from SAMCRO is a dirty, rotten Slytherin—though the Death Eaters would make a fabulous name for a biker gang. Here is the Sons of Anarchy Characters Sorted Into Their Hogwarts Houses.
10 Jackson "Jax" Teller - Gryffindor
Nobody's rebel yell was louder than Jax Teller's. What truly made Jax a revolutionary isn't that he eschewed civilian life; it's the fact that he wanted to return to it, both for the sake of the club and his actual family. The series started with Jax discovering the memoirs of his late father, John Teller, which detailed his vision for SAMCRO, namely to put the club back on the path of the straight and narrow. Jax set out to finish what his father started. This is the impetus for every conflict in the entire series. Jax being brave enough to launch this plan in the first place is what makes him a Gryffindor. That, and his stubborn refusal to back down from any dissenting opinions.
While Jax may have had civvy ideals for the club, the outlaw life was in his bones. He could be hotheaded and reactionary—typical Gryffindor—making rash decisions based on emotion rather than logic. This is best illustrated in the show's last season, when Jax abandoned his vision in order to seek revenge for Tara's death. His eventual symbolic suicide was his grandest act of Gryffindor defiance.
9 Gemma Teller Morrow - Slytherin
SAMCRO's matriarch didn't earn her way to the top of the food chain by playing nice. Gemma placed a premium on family loyalty and fancied herself as protector to those she holds dear. She did not think twice about punching, stabbing, or shooting anyone who threatened her loved ones. This may sound like the behavior of a particularly savage Hufflepuff, but as much as Gemma loved her family, she loved herself even more. When she and Clay fell for each other, the couple conspired to have John Teller killed so they could be together. But Gemma's greatest act of betrayal was brutally murdering Tara after she falsely believed Tara was a federal informant, then lying about it and causing a ton of unnecessary bloodshed.
As described by the house motto, Slytherins are "cunning folk who use any means". Gemma more than fit the bill.
8 Tara Knowles - Ravenclaw
If Ravenclaws had Muggle jobs, doctor would be the most common by far. Tara was at the top of her field as a pediatric resident and also helped to heal injured members of SAMCRO. Her surname couldn't be more appropriate because beyond her medical smarts, Tara was able to think on her feet and deploy effective strategy to any situation. If she wanted to, Tara could have been a sharp Slytherin, but despite her guile, Tara always put others before herself. This was proven when the club was at a particularly low point and she decided to announce her engagement to Jax in order to boost morale.
Even when she had to make dangerous, hurtful choices like fleeing Charming and leaving Jax, Tara made them out of love for her kids and a desire for them to have a normal life. It just goes to show that in the SAMCRO life, even the smart die young.
7 Alexander "Tig" Trager - Gryffindor
Tig's philosophy is to shoot first, ask questions never. The man never met an impulse itch he didn't scratch. This could make him a liability at times but also a valuable asset. In the heat of battle, only a Gryffindor mind would think to bite his opponent on the face, something Tig did more than once.
Both a fighter and a lover, Tig has a proclivity for casual sex. He shows no restraint when it comes to listening to his carnal desires, with the exception of a brief, ill-advised encounter with Gemma. Tig never fails to astound SAMCRO with his wild behavior, but the final season saw the Gryffindor provocateur fall in love and settle down. This is almost as shocking as Tig, of all people, making it out of Sons of Anarchy alive.
6 Robert "Bobby Elvis" Munson - Ravenclaw
As former Secretary and Vice President of the club, Bobby was indisputably SAMCRO's smartest member. He was Jax's biggest ally in turning the club legitimate, a pursuit Bobby never lost focus on, even when Jax did. Though loyal to SAMCRO, Bobby wasn't afraid to vocalize his opinions, even when they were unpopular. His was the lone "nay" vote against killing Clay.
Unlike trigger-happy Tig, Bobby always kept a cool, Ravenclaw head, choosing logic over violence. That's why it's so tragically ironic that the one member who didn't believe in "an eye for an eye" lost his own and later, his life. The Sons of Anarchy death toll is staggering but Bobby's death in particular had viewers all shook up.
5 Filip "Chibs" Telford - Ravenclaw
Chibs was a stalwart SAMCRO father figure, especially for younger members of the club like Jax and Juice. Though he isn't afraid to get blood on his hands, Chibs prefers a less violent approach to club business. In this respect, he's similar to Bobby, but whereas Bobby is peaceful, Chibs is pragmatic. Jax felt guilty when a SAMCRO gun was used in a school shooting and immediately wanted to get out of the gunrunning business, but Chibs was insistent that they needed to finish selling off their inventory.
Clay Morrow was SAMCRO president because he betrayed his best friend; Jax Teller got in on legacy; Chibs is the current president because he earned it, with wisdom and rational decision-making. As Rowena Ravenclaw said, "Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure".
4 Juan Carlos "Juice" Ortiz - Gryffindor
Oh, Juicy Boy. The young lad spent most of the series flip-flopping from self-sacrifice out of loyalty to the club to betraying them to suit his own means. This makes him sound like the first Hufflepuff-Slytherin ever, a rather bizarre hybrid. However, no matter which side of the loyalty/betrayal coin Juice fell, he always made his choices with feckless, Gryffindor abandon.
Before his dramatic downward spiral, Juice showed real intelligence as the club's computer hacker. However, his savvy tech skills were often overshadowed by dumb, hasty decisions. A prime example would be during a B&E mission, when Juice fed crystal meth to the guard dogs, thinking it would calm them down. It did not, as the resulting bite marks on Tig's buttocks can attest.
Juice both ran from his problems and was determined to pay for them tenfold, making him a total Gryffindor paradox.
3 Clarence "Clay" Morrow - Slytherin
It's fitting that Slytherin's main color is green, because Clay and Gemma were two peas in a power-hungry pod. But where Gemma controlled behind the scenes, Clay liked to peacock his power, especially over junior members of the club. He showed as much when sleeping with Cherry because prospect Half-Sack had a crush on her. A move like that is straight out of the Slytherin playbook.
Clay was responsible for the deaths of the two founding members of SAMCRO, John Teller and Piney Winston, making Clay the biggest turncoat the club has ever seen. Much like the Malfoys, Clay would stab anyone in the back—or the front—to save his own skin. This left him with a pile of enemies and the SAMCRO vote to kill him was almost unanimous. It was really only a matter of time before Mr. Morrow met Mr. Mayhem.
2 Harry "Opie" Winston - Hufflepuff
Hufflepuffs know what it means to take one for the team and Opie spent the entire series doing just that. In Season 1, Opie was just released from prison after taking a fall for the club. He chose to stay, even though SAMCRO robbed him of five years with his family. The hits kept on coming for Opie, when Tig killed his wife by mistake, leaving Opie emotionally paralyzed.
As the son of one of SAMCRO's founding fathers, club life was all Opie knew. He showed loyalty to the bitter, heartbreaking end when he refused to let Jax sacrifice himself in prison, and chose to die in Jax's place in a four-one fight.
SAMCRO lives by the words "ride free or die". Hufflepuff Opie was never free and ultimately chose the latter.
1 Wendy Case - Hufflepuff
Wendy is perhaps the most reckless Hufflepuff ever. She consumed narcotics during her pregnancy. She threatened Tara with a custody suit. But underneath her self-destructive exterior, Wendy is just a loving Hufflepuff who aspires to be a good mom. Despite being severely mistreated by both Jax and Gemma, she kept both of them in her life because she considered them family.
After going to rehab, Wendy returned and proved to be one of the most stable, non-violent members of the show, being one of the only major characters who has never killed anyone. She was one of the only people to make it out of the SAMCRO world alive. Hufflepuff Wendy survived because, in the end, she chose a life of order rather than anarchy.